From the time we first tried to wheedle a later bedtime from our folks, we’ve all been negotiating in one way or another.

Salon/spa owners and managers do a lot of negotiating – with employees, customers, vendors, landlords, family members, other businesses – well, you get the picture.

Life may not be a cabaret, but it certainly can feel like one negotiation after another. Not every negotiation is about closing a big deal. However, similar techniques apply, whether an employee wants an extra day off or you’re working on a multi-year lease.

1. Everybody wants something. That’s what gives each of us leverage in a negotiation. Knowing not just what you want, but what the other person wants, helps both parties reach a mutual understanding.


2. Try to understand the other person’s mindset. It’s sometimes not enough just to know that Mary wants Saturday off. It’s often important to understand the “why” behind the “what.” There’s often more to the situation that what’s visible. Ask questions to uncover what might be going on behind a request. Walk a mile (or at least around the block) in the other person’s shoes. Two people may want the same outcome but have different motivations. You’ll be a better negotiator if you take the extra time to understand why someone wants what he or she does.


3. Think win-win. Negotiation implies a winner and a loser. When you reframe that to give a little, get a little, you might get exactly what you need to get, while the other person (not your “opponent”) also gets what he or she needs. Try to leave everyone feeling good, even when certain aspects of a negotiation don’t go their way. Help the other person see why you’re making the decisions you are. Make it a positive experience all around.


4. Know what’s most important to you. Because it’s no longer about winning and losing, you can give in on things that don’t matter so much to you. Perhaps you need someone to work late, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be Kate. Or maybe you can change a deal so that it works better for a customer. It’s not about always being “right.”


5. Don’t be stubborn for the sake of being stubborn. Sometimes we just dig in our heels and forget to listen to what’s being said. It’s not a sign of weakness to change your mind if a well-reasoned argument is made, or if you decide something simply isn’t that crucial. Knowing when to bend is the sign of an experienced leader. Of course, it’s all right to stand your ground, too. Just remember, though, ceding on a small point will often get you the majority of what you want.